Men's group and parish pack

Men's group guide (parish)

For five to seven men who want to become free from pornography. Thirteen meetings from Ash Wednesday to Pentecost 2027, offline, in the parish or at home.

Draft, as of 11 October 2026. Theological review pending.

What this is about

Many men carry this in silence and think it is their private failure. A small group that meets every week does something no programme can do alone: you are no longer the only one. Once a week you say honestly how it went, listen to the others and go home with one small resolution.

The group is a conversation among men. It is not therapy, not a course with a test and not a form of control. Nobody has to prove anything, nobody is condemned.

The meetings run alongside the course "Lent to Pentecost": thirteen weeks, six in Lent, a quiet Holy Week without a meeting, seven in Eastertide. Prayer, Scripture and confession as an invitation are part of it, without pressure.

Who the group is for

• For adult men aged 18 and over who want to change something themselves. Nobody is sent.
• For men who struggle with pornography, whether it feels like a compulsion or like a habit that does not fit their values. The group makes no diagnosis.
• Not for teenagers. The material is written for adults.
• Not a replacement for treatment. Whoever needs more help is told in the group where to find it (see "The facilitator's role" and the list "Further help").

The setting

• Size: five to seven men. From eight, better two groups.
• Place: a quiet room nobody can look into. Chairs in a circle, no table in the middle. A room in the parish hall, a side room or a home works well. A candle and a Bible are ready.
• Time: a fixed weekday, 60 to 75 minutes. Start on time, finish on time.
• Joining: new men can join until the third meeting. After that only if the group agrees.
• Length: from the start, the group agrees on an end: the thirteenth meeting. Then it decides anew. A fixed end makes it easier to keep going.
• Cost: none. You need this guide, a watch and a room.
• Facilitation: one man leads, a second stands in for him. Both take part themselves too.

Ground rules

The facilitator reads them briefly at the start of every meeting. It takes a minute and protects everyone.

1. What is said here, we don't pass on. No names and no stories outside, not to wives, friends or colleagues either. This discretion is an agreement among us and it has a limit: when someone's life or a child is in danger (see "The facilitator's role"). We say so openly at the start so that nobody is surprised.
2. First person. Everyone speaks about himself: "I did …", "What helps me …". Not "you" or "one should".
3. No details about content. We do not talk about what anyone watched or on which sites. We talk about what came before, how we felt and what helps. That protects the others.
4. No advice nobody asked for. Listen, say thank you, move on. Whoever wants advice asks for it.
5. No shame. Nobody is laughed at, lectured or condemned. Talk honestly about what you did without shaming anyone. Whoever has fallen still belongs.
6. Everyone may stay silent. "I'll pass today" is enough.
7. Phones off. Silent and in your pocket.
8. No comparing. No day counters, no rankings, no showing screens.

How a meeting goes

Prayer in the group. At the start, the sign of the cross and a short prayer to the Holy Spirit, in your own words or with the "Come, Holy Spirit". In step 5 one man reads the Scripture passage of the week, then two minutes of silence; whoever wishes says a short intention, and all pray the Our Father. To close, a Hail Mary or the prayer to Saint Michael. Nobody has to pray aloud.

What a resolution sounds like: "When I am alone in the evening, I put my phone in the kitchen at 10 pm." Small enough to succeed. The next week everyone says briefly how it went. Nobody comments.

The thirteen meetings

The theme comes from the app's course, but the group does not need the app. Whoever does the course already knows the theme; for everyone else the facilitator introduces it in two or three sentences.

Meeting 1 · Week from February 10, 2027

• Theme: Motivation and values: What do I want to be free for?
• Question: Who or what should get more room in my life once I am free?
• Scripture: Mark 10:46-52 (Blind Bartimaeus)
• Resolution idea: Finish the sentence “I want to be free so that …” and put it where you spend your evenings.

Meeting 2 · Week from February 16, 2027

• Theme: Triggers and your map of weak spots
• Question: What usually comes before a hard moment for me: which time, which place, which feeling?
• Scripture: Matthew 26:36-46 (Jesus in Gethsemane: watch and pray)
• Resolution idea: This week, notice what came before a hard moment. Just look, don't judge.

Meeting 3 · Week from February 22, 2027

• Theme: Arranging your surroundings and finding good alternatives
• Question: What in my daily life makes it needlessly easy, and what would make it harder?
• Scripture: Philippians 4:8-9 (Think about these things)
• Resolution idea: Change one thing around you, for example: the phone sleeps outside the bedroom.

Meeting 4 · Week from March 1, 2027

• Theme: Letting urges pass and acting differently
• Question: What does an urge feel like for me, and what has helped me before to let it pass?
• Scripture: Mark 4:35-41 (The storm on the lake)
• Resolution idea: When an urge comes, move your body first: stand up, change rooms, breathe calmly for ninety seconds.

Meeting 5 · Week from March 8, 2027

• Theme: Thoughts, feelings, loneliness and closeness
• Question: When do I feel alone, and with whom could I share something real this week?
• Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (Two are better than one)
• Resolution idea: Call or meet one person, don't just text.

Meeting 6 · Week from March 15, 2027

• Theme: Your personal relapse plan
• Question: What do I do in the first 24 hours after a fall, and whom do I call?
• Scripture: Luke 15:11-24 (The merciful father) and Micah 7:8 (the verse Consurgam takes its name from)
• Resolution idea: Write your plan for a hard day on one page and show it to one person.
• Before Holy Week: whoever wishes finds a time for confession. Nobody will ask.

Holy Week · March 21, 2027 to March 27, 2027

No meeting. Holy Week belongs to the liturgy: whoever wishes celebrates Holy Thursday, Good Friday and the Easter Vigil in his parish. The parish's times for confession are open to all.

Meeting 7 · Week from March 28, 2027

• Theme: Making it last
• Question: What has grown more solid in the past weeks, even if not everything worked?
• Scripture: Luke 24:13-35 (The road to Emmaus)
• Resolution idea: Keep one habit from the first weeks on purpose.

Meeting 8 · Week from April 4, 2027

• Theme: Joy
• Question: What gave me real joy lately, and how can it get more room?
• Scripture: John 15:9-11 (That my joy may be in you)
• Resolution idea: Plan one thing that does you good and that you usually put off.

Meeting 9 · Week from April 11, 2027

• Theme: Friendship
• Question: Which friendship do I want to tend, and what is my next step?
• Scripture: John 15:12-15 (I have called you friends)
• Resolution idea: Do something together with a friend.

Meeting 10 · Week from April 18, 2027

• Theme: Giving
• Question: What can I give, and to whom?
• Scripture: John 13:1-15 (The washing of the feet)
• Resolution idea: Do one thing for someone else without telling anyone.

Meeting 11 · Week from April 25, 2027

• Theme: Living your values
• Question: Where did I last act on my values even though it cost me something?
• Scripture: Matthew 7:24-27 (The house on the rock)
• Resolution idea: Choose one value and make it visible in one place this week.

Meeting 12 · Week from May 2, 2027

• Theme: Refresher: your map and your plan
• Question: What in my plan no longer fits, and what do I change?
• Scripture: John 21:15-17 (Peter is asked again)
• Resolution idea: Revise your plan and show it to your anchor again.

Meeting 13 · Week from May 9, 2027

• Theme: The path goes on
• Question: What am I taking with me, and how do I go on after this group?
• Scripture: John 14:15-18 (The Advocate: I will not leave you orphans)
• Resolution idea: Decide how you go on: as a group, as two, or alone with a fixed time.

The facilitator's role

The facilitator is a host, not a therapist and not a judge. Nor is he a confessor. What is said in the group is not under the seal of confession. The men promise each other discretion; when there is a concrete danger to life and limb, the usual safeguarding and reporting rules apply.

• He keeps an eye on time and rules and gives everyone room. He does not talk the most himself.
• He gently stops details or advice: "Thank you. Let's stay with you: what came before?"
• He prepares for a quarter of an hour: reads the theme, the question, the Scripture passage or the sentence for the quiet.
• He needs someone to talk to himself. Ideally a priest or pastoral worker he can call after a hard evening.

When he refers to professionals. He makes no diagnosis, but he says so when a group is not enough:

• If someone talks about not wanting to live or about harming himself: take it seriously, ask directly, don't let him leave alone. Call a helpline together (numbers in the app under "Someone to talk to" and in the list "Further help"). In acute danger, call the emergency number (112 in Europe, 911 in the US).
• If it is about images of children or sexual impulses towards children: this does not belong in the group. The facilitator speaks to the man privately and points to specialised, confidential help (in Germany, for example, the prevention network "Kein Täter werden"). If a child is in concrete danger, the child's protection comes before confidentiality. Then the facilitator seeks advice at once: from the safeguarding officer of the diocese, from child protection services or the police.
• If work, marriage, sleep or money suffer clearly, if someone makes no progress despite serious efforts, or if low mood, anxiety, old wounds, alcohol or other substances come into play: family doctor, psychotherapy, a specialist clinic or a counselling service (list "Further help").
• If the marriage is in crisis: marriage and couples counselling. The partner has support of her own (also in the list). In the group everyone speaks about himself, not about her.
• If someone cannot get free of guilt that keeps circling around the same thoughts: a regular confessor, and if it does not ease, a psychotherapist as well.

Coming back after missing meetings

• Missing a meeting is normal. Nobody has to apologise or explain.
• The group does not ask questions. One sentence is enough: "Good to have you here."
• Whoever comes back only shares where he is today, two minutes like everyone else. Nothing is caught up.
• The theme and question of the missed weeks are in this guide. Whoever wishes can read them.
• After two missed meetings the facilitator gets in touch once, briefly and without pressure: "We are thinking of you. You are welcome any time." Not more often.
• Especially the man who stays away out of shame after a fall should know: the door stays open until the last meeting.

When the group shrinks or falls apart

Many groups lose strength after about three months. That is not failure, it is a familiar pattern. Plan for it:

• Agree on an end. Until the thirteenth meeting, then decide anew.
• Three is enough. From three men the group runs as described, just shorter.
• Two: as a fixed pair, once a week for 30 minutes, by phone if you like: sharing, question of the week, resolution.
• Alone (solo mode): if nobody comes any more or there is no group near you, keep the weekly structure and walk it alone: a fixed appointment with yourself, 30 minutes a week. 1. Write three sentences: How was my week, what carried me, where was it hard? 2. Read the theme of the week (here or in the course). 3. Answer the question of the week in writing. 4. Read the Scripture passage, silence, Our Father. 5. Write down one resolution as an if-then sentence. 6. Send one person a short message or call him: "My week was like this, my resolution is this." That can be your anchor. If you wish, add regular confession and now and then a conversation with a priest.
• Starting again: Saint Michael's Lent (15 August to 29 September) is a good time to start a new group.

When someone has fallen

• He may say so, without details: "I fell this week." The group thanks him for his honesty.
• No sighing, no reproach, no analysis by the others.
• He looks at what came before (tired, alone, late, phone in bed) and takes a resolution into the next week.
• There is no counter that drops to zero. A fall does not wipe out the good weeks.
• The facilitator can invite: "Confession is open to you. When and with whom is your decision." Confession is a gift. It is not a condition for staying in the group, and nobody is asked whether he has been to confession.
• If someone falls again and again, that is no reason to exclude him. It is a reason to point him to additional help (see above).
• If several are having a hard time: don't dramatise, go back to the structure. That is exactly when the group carries.

Faith in the group

• Prayer: sign of the cross, prayer to the Holy Spirit, Scripture, silence, Our Father, a prayer to Mary or the prayer to Saint Michael. Short and simple.
• Confession: it is no condition for taking part in the group and never something reported on in the group. The Church invites everyone who is aware of a grave sin to go to confession before receiving Communion. Whether something is grave is a question for a confessor, not for the group. If the parish offers extra confession times in Lent, the facilitator passes them on.
• The priest as companion: he does not have to lead the group. He can be a guest once (meeting 6 before Holy Week or meeting 7 in Easter week fits well), he is available for individual conversations and confession, and he prays for the men. What a man tells him in confession stays there; what is said in the group, the facilitator does not pass on to him.
• Mercy and truth belong together. The Church's teaching on chastity stays as it is. In the group what counts is that everyone can come back.

How the app can help, without obligation

• The group works without the app. Nobody has to have it or buy it.
• Whoever uses the Consurgam app finds the weekly theme there as a course lesson, an emergency button for the hard 90 seconds, the evening review and "Someone to talk to".
• One man from the group can be another man's anchor: the person you call. The two agree on that between themselves.
• The app shares nothing with the group. There is no account, no group in the app, no list. What a man enters stays on his device.

Privacy in the group

• No list of participants with the topic on it. If a contact list is needed, it is just called "Men's group Tuesday".
• No photos, no minutes, no recordings.
• A group chat only for organisation: date, room, "I'll be late". Nothing personal in the chat.
• Whoever announces a group gives place and time, but never names.

An invitation to pass on

Men's group guide

For five to seven men who want to become free from pornography. Thirteen meetings from 10 February to 16 May 2027, offline, in a men's group, a club or among friends.

Draft, as of 11 October 2026.

What this is about

Many men carry this in silence and think it is their private failure. A small group that meets every week does something no programme can do alone: you are no longer the only one. Once a week you say honestly how it went, listen to the others and go home with one small resolution.

The group is a conversation among men. It is not therapy, not a course with a test and not a form of control. Nobody has to prove anything, nobody is condemned.

The meetings run alongside the course "95-day arc": thirteen weeks, six to build the foundation, a quiet week without a meeting, seven to make it last. Each meeting has a few minutes of quiet.

Who the group is for

• For adult men aged 18 and over who want to change something themselves. Nobody is sent.
• For men who struggle with pornography, whether it feels like a compulsion or like a habit that does not fit their values. The group makes no diagnosis.
• Not for teenagers. The material is written for adults.
• Not a replacement for treatment. Whoever needs more help is told in the group where to find it (see "The facilitator's role" and the list "Further help").

The setting

• Size: five to seven men. From eight, better two groups.
• Place: a quiet room nobody can look into. Chairs in a circle, no table in the middle. A club room, a meeting room or a home works well.
• Time: a fixed weekday, 60 to 75 minutes. Start on time, finish on time.
• Joining: new men can join until the third meeting. After that only if the group agrees.
• Length: from the start, the group agrees on an end: the thirteenth meeting. Then it decides anew. A fixed end makes it easier to keep going.
• Cost: none. You need this guide, a watch and a room.
• Facilitation: one man leads, a second stands in for him. Both take part themselves too.

Ground rules

The facilitator reads them briefly at the start of every meeting. It takes a minute and protects everyone.

1. What is said here, we don't pass on. No names and no stories outside, not to wives, friends or colleagues either. This discretion is an agreement among us and it has a limit: when someone's life or a child is in danger (see "The facilitator's role"). We say so openly at the start so that nobody is surprised.
2. First person. Everyone speaks about himself: "I did …", "What helps me …". Not "you" or "one should".
3. No details about content. We do not talk about what anyone watched or on which sites. We talk about what came before, how we felt and what helps. That protects the others.
4. No advice nobody asked for. Listen, say thank you, move on. Whoever wants advice asks for it.
5. No shame. Nobody is laughed at, lectured or condemned. Talk honestly about what you did without shaming anyone. Whoever has fallen still belongs.
6. Everyone may stay silent. "I'll pass today" is enough.
7. Phones off. Silent and in your pocket.
8. No comparing. No day counters, no rankings, no showing screens.

How a meeting goes

Quiet in the group. At the start, one minute of silence to arrive. In step 5 one man reads the sentence of the week, then two to three minutes of quiet. To close, a sentence of thanks, in turn or from the facilitator.

What a resolution sounds like: "When I am alone in the evening, I put my phone in the kitchen at 10 pm." Small enough to succeed. The next week everyone says briefly how it went. Nobody comments.

The thirteen meetings

The theme comes from the app's course, but the group does not need the app. Whoever does the course already knows the theme; for everyone else the facilitator introduces it in two or three sentences.

Meeting 1 · Week from February 10, 2027

• Theme: Motivation and values: What do I want to be free for?
• Question: Who or what should get more room in my life once I am free?
• Sentence for the quiet: I don't have to manage everything today. I only need to know what I am starting for.
• Resolution idea: Finish the sentence “I want to be free so that …” and put it where you spend your evenings.

Meeting 2 · Week from February 16, 2027

• Theme: Triggers and your map of weak spots
• Question: What usually comes before a hard moment for me: which time, which place, which feeling?
• Sentence for the quiet: What I know takes me by surprise less often.
• Resolution idea: This week, notice what came before a hard moment. Just look, don't judge.

Meeting 3 · Week from February 22, 2027

• Theme: Arranging your surroundings and finding good alternatives
• Question: What in my daily life makes it needlessly easy, and what would make it harder?
• Sentence for the quiet: I am allowed to make the way easier. That is not weakness, it is wisdom.
• Resolution idea: Change one thing around you, for example: the phone sleeps outside the bedroom.

Meeting 4 · Week from March 1, 2027

• Theme: Letting urges pass and acting differently
• Question: What does an urge feel like for me, and what has helped me before to let it pass?
• Sentence for the quiet: An urge is a wave. It rises, it breaks, it passes.
• Resolution idea: When an urge comes, move your body first: stand up, change rooms, breathe calmly for ninety seconds.

Meeting 5 · Week from March 8, 2027

• Theme: Thoughts, feelings, loneliness and closeness
• Question: When do I feel alone, and with whom could I share something real this week?
• Sentence for the quiet: I don't have to carry this alone.
• Resolution idea: Call or meet one person, don't just text.

Meeting 6 · Week from March 15, 2027

• Theme: Your personal relapse plan
• Question: What do I do in the first 24 hours after a fall, and whom do I call?
• Sentence for the quiet: A slip is not a crash. I know what I will do then.
• Resolution idea: Write your plan for a hard day on one page and show it to one person.

Quiet week · March 21, 2027 to March 27, 2027

No meeting. A quiet week: the evening review and your plan carry on, the group takes a break.

Meeting 7 · Week from March 28, 2027

• Theme: Making it last
• Question: What has grown more solid in the past weeks, even if not everything worked?
• Sentence for the quiet: What I practise becomes my path.
• Resolution idea: Keep one habit from the first weeks on purpose.

Meeting 8 · Week from April 4, 2027

• Theme: Joy
• Question: What gave me real joy lately, and how can it get more room?
• Sentence for the quiet: Joy is not a reward at the end. It helps along the way.
• Resolution idea: Plan one thing that does you good and that you usually put off.

Meeting 9 · Week from April 11, 2027

• Theme: Friendship
• Question: Which friendship do I want to tend, and what is my next step?
• Sentence for the quiet: Friendship grows through time, not through words.
• Resolution idea: Do something together with a friend.

Meeting 10 · Week from April 18, 2027

• Theme: Giving
• Question: What can I give, and to whom?
• Sentence for the quiet: Whoever gives notices that he is needed.
• Resolution idea: Do one thing for someone else without telling anyone.

Meeting 11 · Week from April 25, 2027

• Theme: Living your values
• Question: Where did I last act on my values even though it cost me something?
• Sentence for the quiet: Values show in small things.
• Resolution idea: Choose one value and make it visible in one place this week.

Meeting 12 · Week from May 2, 2027

• Theme: Refresher: your map and your plan
• Question: What in my plan no longer fits, and what do I change?
• Sentence for the quiet: Adjusting a plan does not mean you failed.
• Resolution idea: Revise your plan and show it to your anchor again.

Meeting 13 · Week from May 9, 2027

• Theme: The path goes on
• Question: What am I taking with me, and how do I go on after this group?
• Sentence for the quiet: One arc closes. The path goes on.
• Resolution idea: Decide how you go on: as a group, as two, or alone with a fixed time.

The facilitator's role

The facilitator is a host, not a therapist and not a judge.

• He keeps an eye on time and rules and gives everyone room. He does not talk the most himself.
• He gently stops details or advice: "Thank you. Let's stay with you: what came before?"
• He prepares for a quarter of an hour: reads the theme, the question, the Scripture passage or the sentence for the quiet.
• He needs someone to talk to himself. Ideally a mentor, counsellor or experienced friend he can call after a hard evening.

When he refers to professionals. He makes no diagnosis, but he says so when a group is not enough:

• If someone talks about not wanting to live or about harming himself: take it seriously, ask directly, don't let him leave alone. Call a helpline together (numbers in the app under "Someone to talk to" and in the list "Further help"). In acute danger, call the emergency number (112 in Europe, 911 in the US).
• If it is about images of children or sexual impulses towards children: this does not belong in the group. The facilitator speaks to the man privately and points to specialised, confidential help (in Germany, for example, the prevention network "Kein Täter werden"). If a child is in concrete danger, the child's protection comes before confidentiality. Then the facilitator seeks advice at once: from child protection services or the police.
• If work, marriage, sleep or money suffer clearly, if someone makes no progress despite serious efforts, or if low mood, anxiety, old wounds, alcohol or other substances come into play: family doctor, psychotherapy, a specialist clinic or a counselling service (list "Further help").
• If the marriage is in crisis: marriage and couples counselling. The partner has support of her own (also in the list). In the group everyone speaks about himself, not about her.
• If someone cannot get free of guilt that keeps circling around the same thoughts: a psychotherapist.

Coming back after missing meetings

• Missing a meeting is normal. Nobody has to apologise or explain.
• The group does not ask questions. One sentence is enough: "Good to have you here."
• Whoever comes back only shares where he is today, two minutes like everyone else. Nothing is caught up.
• The theme and question of the missed weeks are in this guide. Whoever wishes can read them.
• After two missed meetings the facilitator gets in touch once, briefly and without pressure: "We are thinking of you. You are welcome any time." Not more often.
• Especially the man who stays away out of shame after a fall should know: the door stays open until the last meeting.

When the group shrinks or falls apart

Many groups lose strength after about three months. That is not failure, it is a familiar pattern. Plan for it:

• Agree on an end. Until the thirteenth meeting, then decide anew.
• Three is enough. From three men the group runs as described, just shorter.
• Two: as a fixed pair, once a week for 30 minutes, by phone if you like: sharing, question of the week, resolution.
• Alone (solo mode): if nobody comes any more or there is no group near you, keep the weekly structure and walk it alone: a fixed appointment with yourself, 30 minutes a week. 1. Write three sentences: How was my week, what carried me, where was it hard? 2. Read the theme of the week (here or in the course). 3. Answer the question of the week in writing. 4. Read the sentence of the week, a few minutes of quiet. 5. Write down one resolution as an if-then sentence. 6. Send one person a short message or call him: "My week was like this, my resolution is this." That can be your anchor.
• Starting again: Autumn (mid-August to the end of September) is a good time to start a new group.

When someone has fallen

• He may say so, without details: "I fell this week." The group thanks him for his honesty.
• No sighing, no reproach, no analysis by the others.
• He looks at what came before (tired, alone, late, phone in bed) and takes a resolution into the next week.
• There is no counter that drops to zero. A fall does not wipe out the good weeks.
• If someone falls again and again, that is no reason to exclude him. It is a reason to point him to additional help (see above).
• If several are having a hard time: don't dramatise, go back to the structure. That is exactly when the group carries.

How the app can help, without obligation

• The group works without the app. Nobody has to have it or buy it.
• Whoever uses the Consurgam app finds the weekly theme there as a course lesson, an emergency button for the hard 90 seconds, the evening review and "Someone to talk to".
• One man from the group can be another man's anchor: the person you call. The two agree on that between themselves.
• The app shares nothing with the group. There is no account, no group in the app, no list. What a man enters stays on his device.

Privacy in the group

• No list of participants with the topic on it. If a contact list is needed, it is just called "Men's group Tuesday".
• No photos, no minutes, no recordings.
• A group chat only for organisation: date, room, "I'll be late". Nothing personal in the chat.
• Whoever announces a group gives place and time, but never names.

An invitation to pass on